I am Perfect and I Love It Too

Astrid Paramita

I am perfect for being myself.

When I posted about being imperfect, my husband’s comment was this “It is great, but I think you should also do a blog post about being perfect.”

I cocked my head towards him, dismissing his remarks, simply believing it would not make sense to do that. First, I thought it would be easier than admitting about my own imperfection. Second, it would be quite obvious, wouldn’t it? Especially given that I actually have some narcissistic tendencies.

But then, as I gave it more thoughts, I realized that it’s actually much harder. Much much harder.

Why? Partially because I am afraid that people would think I’m bragging, or even worse, delusional. In my native land, we were thought to be modest. There was a saying we should behave like good rice crops. The more rice you have, the lower you bowed (a.k.a. keep your head down and be humble). Or this proverb: The empty cans sound the loudest. Only the stupid talks loudly and brag about themselves. So in a way it felt like it’s more forbidden to actually say good things about yourself.

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Focusing on the Likes – The Lesson from Facebook

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One of the things I heard often from inspirational websites are about focusing on the positives. Doing more of the things you actually like to do and then things will be great.

But how true is that? Even though in general I am a believer, there are days when my logical brain will just go all skeptical on me. Is there any proof?

I personally believe that generally, if you do this, you will see the difference. You will find that your life started changing towards the way you wanted it to be. That is as long as you actually take action and not just wishing things would change.

For me, surprisingly, Facebook is one of the places where I could see the change. I happen to have quite a lot of friends there. Not because I am popular, but just because as an Indonesian you kind of fell into the habit of adding all your classmates since your first grade. Since there are 50 pupils in a class, and you kind of get different classmates every year, in the end it just adds up. The problem was, as I realized now, some I didn’t really remember (thus I didn’t really care about what’s going on in their life). Some I barely talked to in school, and they never talk to me now. Even worse, some kept tagging me in posts I truly have zero interest on (those got the boots, eventually). But lately, I felt that Facebook’s algorithm had been quite smart. It puts someone’s post on your feed based on your interactions with them. If you ‘like’ or comment a lot on what they do, it will show up more on your wall.

Some of you who knows me well would also now that sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut (or in this instance, my fingers from typing), and I would just say what I think. I don’t say it’s a bad thing, because I do believe you have to take a stand with what you believe in. But the question is: if you keep on interacting with some person, criticizing them or posting topics you are against of, instead of just ignore and move on, what will happen? Yep, Facebook will keep on posting more about them. Possibly even recommending links relating to that topic. Been there, done that.

So instead, lately I find it better to focus on giving the love to things you care about. If the people you like didn’t post enough stuff (because real people have real things to do, maybe ­čśë ) Perhaps even follow and like some pages on Facebook that you’d find interesting. Some silly ones that made you laugh, some design magazines, or some food blogs. Eventually I realized the posts from people I don’t interact starts disappearing from my page (but watch out, sometimes it also hides posts from people whom you actually cared about, just because you haven’t liked their post in a while).

This, I can really see the result, albeit by a ‘simple’ Facebook algorithm . Focusing on the things you love works in your favor. Enough reason for me to keep feeding my energy towards the things I love.

One little change, for a start, and it will grow towards bigger changes. One little thing you can do will enable you to do bigger things you didn’t think was possible for you.

PS: Just in case you’re wondering, I’m still not very good at this. Especially when the Berlin days started to get dark and dreary like now. And this is precisely why I wanted to write the post, as a self reminder :).

Choosing to be a Full Time Writer

I’ve seen a lot of articles out there, saying that you shouldn’t give up your day job to be a writer because most writer will never make enough money to live. Well, if what you want is a huge paycheck, perhaps you should go into one of the professions listed as high paying instead. Surgeons, lawyers, dentists, and oh wait… software related (which was my degree) was also listed there three times. Damn, I should be able to get my huge paycheck as a software engineer.

Except that I know it’s not what my heart wants. Ignoring it will just kill my soul. And as lucrative as lots of money could be, I know it will never be enough to make me happy in the long run.

I believe in following dreams, going where my heart leads me to.

I know that not everyone can do that. We do need to take care of our living cost. But you’d be surprised that sometimes it’s not the money that stopped you, it’s the fear. Uncertainty. Will I ever make it? Am I delusional? Will I ever make it as an author? Well, tell you what, if you don’t believe in yourself, it’s less likely that anyone else will.

So if you do have the chance to do it, just do it! Imagine the possibilities of having  the time to fully commit to research, write, rewrite, edit, and  promote your work. Imagine how wonderful it feels doing something you love the whole day long!

Female Gamers

Today I found a youtube video, shared by┬áBalp on my Plurk network. Being a female, a gamer, and married to a game designer, I heard a lot about this topic. They analyze why women don’t like games, or why women are mostly attracted to casual games.

There was nothing new in the video, except for the presentation (I think it’s really nicely done). And probably because I heard enough of it, I started to think about it another way. I really don’t like how these topics usually separate people with genre (although I did that too for the title of this post.

I believe as human beings, we have preferences and tendencies. Things we like that we can’t explain why we like it, and things we learn to like because we are thought to think like that. Girls with pink ponies and boys with blue robots.

What does it got to do with games?

I can’t speak for everyone so I’ll tell my story… I am very lucky that my parents never limit me to a pink girl box when it comes to choosing what I like. As a kid, I am not attracted to dressing up dolls or playing tea party host. I prefer remote controlled cars and being a librarian. Of course I eventually had a Barbie doll (I guess at some point either my parents became worried or I was afraid of being different – teenager thing) but I also get myself Tamiya cars and airplanes that I made myself.

I never thought of things I like or dislike because it’s a girl or boy thing. I like shoes, make up, and chicklits. I like games and football. I’m good in casual games and hardcore games.

I never saw games as a guy thing. Not even when it involves fast cars, gores, or female as sex object. I actually love Leisure Suit Larry ;).

For me, it doesn’t make sense to divide games into female games and male games. It’s more of good games and crappy games. But then again, as you see, I’m not the average female either.

Can we change games to be more appealing to women?

Definitely. But don’t expect instant result. I think it’s kind of the same as trying to make men more interested in fashion. It takes time. And changes to the way we stereotyped things.

Let it flow, keep making good games, and stop marking those games in separate genders.